The Human Half

im here again because im troubled and this time too the problem is the same as before, you know recently enough i have started to feel infatuated and obsessed with someone, i talked to her on a phone call and guess what the ear didnt hurt, i dont really get it that why would i get into the same scenario again and again when i know that i will be the incapable one to sustain it any further.

i was a good kid back in school i was humble, respectful and one of the most nicest kinds of friend. This would probably feel like im boasting but i was always there to offer help to friends, to teachers, never was i into any fights (its not hard to believe even now) and was never known for any form of indiscipline. Many would say that i hadnt enjoyed my school time as much as i could have i had not been what i was but, i am proud of what i was i was recently remembered by a friend and she felt so happy while talking to me on the phone and she uttered the words " everyone has changed so much but, you havent "  and i cherish that one little fact. Then, I remembered what i really am like and those flashes of memories of this recent college came to my mind and made me realize that im not the same. usually, this form of change has something to do with heartbreaks or emotional turmoils and strangely nothing of this sort has happened. I walk in to the college before most of the peons working there and i dont consider it boring now, i am accused of deliberately sitting alone and i still dont mind that complain, hell i have even been told to my face that "mujhe accha nai lagta jab tu akela baitha hota hai and sab baatein kar rahe hote hai" and i had pledged that i will rectify and i couldnt. so, this all is the current scenario where im rude to ppl, mean to them, so ignorant to their existence that i forget names and i personally hate the name forgetting part.  so yea coming back to my so called human half, it has been recently brought to my notice by my beloved mother that i have changed and i told her of what i am like in the college and since that is the only place i visit perhaps thats the only tru nature of me. i recently struck up a chat with a not so good friend and one thing led to another and next i know i feel infatuated again and i havent even met her many times and i have this friend of mine who is one of my few best friends who has started to ignore me, i have so developed my self to be understanding and to expect nothing from the other person (the last one might sound harsh but, i mean it with utmost respect) but , here's the deal, i am expecting something from him maybe he will include me in some of his projects, maybe he wouldnt mind spending time with me again. this is the person im afraid of 'the expecting fool'this one is weak for he lets someone else effect the reasoning capablities of his brain. i have noticed that each of such phases have brougt knowledge to me in someform i am to see what is to come