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Crass Man

I wasn't this crass, in the past few weeks my words and my actions have started to have direr consequences. I used to be happier before, I used to be nicer, guess it is now showing as just a fa├žade and the bastard is seeping out. I can't explain the hideousness of my actions but it sure is making people realize what sort of a decrepit imbecile I am. I think I know where I lost my way, it happened the day I started getting what I wanted. Each one hoped to change and maybe keep me (or this could be the narcissist in me talking) but, I never did stay and went back when I wanted to and only know that I'm at an age when this is considered immoral behavior. I only intend to apologize to the ones I did wrong, the ones I treated wrong, in my defense I never did deserve you to begin with, and you were just kind to me and for that, you don't deserve the treatment you get from me. Forgive me!
Recent posts

Love A Soul

First of all, fuck you. Now follows the justification, as the title says "love a soul", not anything else, be it a face, bank balance, body and what not. I want to question can you be this narrow and look for a soul, in the world today you talk sweetly to a person and they consider you a creep coz people stopped seeing souls the day social media came into existence. People now only see a wall, a page where you find about a person, and then when she/he stops being a mystery you move on to the next one, thats how sad it is, nobody hangs around to see and know your soul, people have exhausted their attention spans and nobody has the time for falling deep into love. So i would suggest you stop feeding this shit like comfort food to girls and guys and making them believe that there is a chance for true love and when this belief is shattered you on free media would have moved on to paid media.

The Proverbial Dangling Carrot

This note is not shared and if you have found it I suggest you keep it to yourself, Please!!           You know how they tell you that your mind works better at night, less troubles to deal with, a more free thinking space and what not. I have always agreed to the fact, the night time has always brought with itself a lot of opportunities. The most recent was called "Clbtl" (no i cant name her) and she came with a certain realisation, i.e. I am quite content with my life and this is pretty much a curse. As you yourself can gather that in order to seize opportunities one must always be hungry for something more. Whereas, I have all I can ask for, neither I have the wish nor the need for something more except for that one thing called love. I agree that my family loves me but, I cant share my heart with them because they got their own troubles trust me, its not easy for anyone who is alive.           So, coming back to the idea of opportunities this Clbtl incited love in me

It Burns!!

The following Except is a Monologue It was last night i wanted to ask her to block me but, a friend offered her ear to me and asked for me to talk. [00:22, 4/17/2018] : the longing makes you susceptible to bad decisions, the need alone to talk to her is such a hopelessly and helplessly weak and gut wrenching feeling that, the mind wouldn't stay with you, wandering off in the very thoughts you once relished and cherished, they become the sand papers wearing off the sharpness you held intact with the illusion that you need no love. [00:27, 4/17/2018] : If that isnt enough to destroy the kid that, held tightly to the dreams and fairy tales of a happy ending and a blissful life then, there is the presence, the advent of technology, keeps you at a certain end of a perpetual reminder that the person you wish to drive your mind away from has uploaded a new photo, a story, a status and that alone is enough for a demented retard like me to scroll through her words, those pixels that form

What Goes Around, Comes Around

So, it was last night that I got talking to the girl I had fallen for, 4 years back. We got to talking and i learned that she no longer has a boyfriend anymore and I was as happy as a toddler because it was first time in 4 years that i had learned that she was single and i did not think twice and offered her to take me back.  (yea, you are thinking right, what kind of fool just jumps at an opportunity like that, I could have waited a bit, could have asked if she was available, hell could have asked how did it happen and then move on from it but no, I didnt have that much thought and I just asked her straight away.) It is after her initial tipsy reply that I first felt it. During her acknowledgement of how special I was to her, she used that infernal word, that one word which was enough to tell me to quit dreaming. She used the word "always" I knew it then and there that she was lost to me. given the fact that I pushed her away in the first place. It was after asking her to

Happy Happy Calm

Today I had an unusual air of calm inside my lungs. Today I was in no hurry to get up and go to work, I knew that sleeping in 30 minutes more wont hurt anybody, I walked to the Metro train station in a long 10 minute walk (it takes me precisely 7 minutes to get to the station from my home) and i was fine, not put of breath in any way, I was subjected to the same unrelenting crowd of rajiv chowk and I didnt care. In the metro I didnt offer my seat to any (coz no one aged nor any woman in need appeared) as I got the seat during the last leg of my journey. I got to my workplace only to realize that I had left my key at home but, instead of calling everyone with the key to hurry to the workplace, I waited it out. This new feeling of calm is elevating, Im worried for nothing and this maybe the first time in my entire life that Im worried for nothing. No, doors need to be locked, no switches need to be turned off, no deadlines to meet and no love to greet. There is a profound happiness that


Welcome back to another one of my gab fests! How have you all been all this time?          I was wondering about something very banal not, because I'm incapable of having complex thoughts but, rather because it was so common and disinteresting that it kept popping up. So, the topic of our discussion today is (yep, you got that right from the title itself). So, being a citizen of a metropolitan city like Delhi, it is very common  for me to see quarrels, people are fighting on roads, the traffic jams are the culprits, in the air so polluted the smog is the culprit and so on. Fighting is something very constant those who dont seem to be fighting have other conflicts to tend to.        Therefore, the quarrel I am to address is the one that we dont see, coz what we see is just too petty for me to give my thoughts on. The quarrel within refers to the conflicting opinions of the heart and the mind, this confusion was made evident to me not by my own but rather a friend who was acti