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What Goes Around, Comes Around

So, it was last night that I got talking to the girl I had fallen for, 4 years back. We got to talking and i learned that she no longer has a boyfriend anymore and I was as happy as a toddler because it was first time in 4 years that i had learned that she was single and i did not think twice and offered her to take me back.  (yea, you are thinking right, what kind of fool just jumps at an opportunity like that, I could have waited a bit, could have asked if she was available, hell could have asked how did it happen and then move on from it but no, I didnt have that much thought and I just asked her straight away.)

It is after her initial tipsy reply that I first felt it. During her acknowledgement of how special I was to her, she used that infernal word, that one word which was enough to tell me to quit dreaming. She used the word "always" I knew it then and there that she was lost to me. given the fact that I pushed her away in the first place. It was after asking her to come back for the first time that I felt empty stomached again, a churning feeling waiting so anxiously for her to reply and that was the moment when I felt weak, vulnerable and broken. I felt what i had seen many feel, talked many through it without having felt it myself. It was ludicrous of me to try to ease my friends at that moment of time.

Come 4:30 AM I drifted off to sleep, and when i woke up I had no answer, what was clear to my mind the moment she uttered "always" was an idea my mind 'bending head over heels' to reject. So I asked for a definitive answer. It was like final moments before a result is released, not as stressful though, for I had an idea that I was failing this one, im kinda 4 years too late.

She wished me well and hoped I would stay happy, first time I felt on the other end of the rope!!
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