Confession

i know i shouldn't be posting this but i guess its about time i do let it out .. after all we have to let go if we need to move on .
so here is the juice ..
i met .. oh sorry " saw " this magnificent creature on 8th of august 2011... 

it " wasn't " a love at first sight.. believe me... because back then she was holding back but 

yea she looked beautiful in her own way .. the kind whose presence would be an overwhelming calm, 

whose presence would be teamed with serenity .. it was amazing because 

i kept looking back at her she sat in my ENG 123 second row and 4th seat.. 

hair tied back into a bun and looking at our teacher as he was asking for introductions..  

well that was my highlight of the day .. 

first day of college came down to second on the list .. 

first was seeing her .
Now people usually go crazy about love of their life ( at that particular time ) and,

i was crazy too messaging her on facebook now and then . 

I felt back then that maybe if was being a "post it" but i couldnt stop my self so 

i went on .. (stubborn me) ..  By the end of fist semester most of my friends knew 

about her and i couldnt care less . Next sem to that went pretty stable  or 

stagnant would be better coz this whole time i wasnt around her much .
so after the end of that sem it was 15 days of workshop and 

20 days of sleep and a few more days of hangover , loss of motor functions and 

i didnt remember her for 2 months .. and the memory took its time and 

i regained it slowly i was this blown out that i asked my parents about 

a dead aunt that if she is doing fine and about  a dead woman who used to live next door  

(so please dont hate me for forgetting you wasnt easy .. it took a fuel tanker and an activa to do it :P) 

now the months passed i was away and i tried my best to forget 

what was never destined to be with me .. but 

hey i hope you are familiar with the rule of universe that 

"if you are looking for something you cannot find it , and if you dont want it .. it just jumps in front of you" 

(its a made up statute :P ) . 

I dont know what caused that one certain state of hers but it was a day like any other .. and 

i said "hey" and she replied normally but it was the end of the chat when 

i read something that was so blissful for me that even the idea of leaving her behind 

seemed like sword through my heart .. for i never wanted to tell her either 

that i wasn't coming back or that i loved her. But, i guess its important now ..  

coz damn im on the verge of insomnia .. 

3 nights i havent been sleeping more than 3 hrs .
That particular day i replied without even thinking 

" now is not a good time (the statute hit me) " and she replied 

"whatever it is its going to be fine"
i hate myself for being in such a situation but 

hey who said life would be a smooth road trip .. i like it roller coaster style .. and 

i am sorry for this is how i tell you but i guess i didnt have the courage to say it in front of others .. 

i cant be the cause of anything that is uneasy for you ..
sorry
and im pretty sure that i like you enough to love you ...