:) | :(

here are moments in one's life when they get to choose...  like to choose if they want a bicycle or

a video game , choose whether to ask for a basket ball or a football ,

choose if a mobile would be better or a computer .. 

Life is an endless chain of choices ..  choices that we make and choices that are imposed on us . 

I wanna know which one makes you more happier . the one that you made yourself or

the one that was imposed on you .

I have never been in such a dilemma and never planned to be in any in my near future ... but  

guess the near future boat has sailed and i guess its abt time i choose ...

scratched my head all night .. guess i have been discouraged in every aspect of life,

been questioned at every step of life so much that my ability to make decisions has been stripped off of me  ...Im sure everyone wants whats best for me but i guess im now a being

who thrives on decisions made by others . The stark desire to end this life came over last night ..

not because i was not allowed to do what my heart felt but because

the only thing my heart wanted me to do ..

because of some shit-ass "astrologer" I must do what i am asked to ..

i dont believe that any clown is to decide what my future holds .

Now if i do what my heart resents i will make my mom really happy .. if i do the opposite i will make her sad . wish i was born in some other damn country that was free of its idiotic superstitions ..

at the current moment all i can think of how i will roam the streets for work and

i wouldnt get any .. i have started doubting my own abilities because

i was never supported but looked down upon all my ife and was hoped to live, breathe and die in the shadow of my impulsive, obnoxious and narcissistic brother .

The brother who was said to be too demanding all his life the brother

who got everything he ever wished for ..

I dont know i guess time has the dice and it will chose when to roll